Let’s be honest: Most one-on-one meetings are an afterthought. They get canceled, rescheduled, or worse, held just to check a box. But when done well, these meetings can become a cornerstone of effective leadership.
Research from Harvard Business Review and Gallup confirms what many of us feel: Managers often undervalue these meetings or show up unprepared. Gallup found that only 21 percent of employees strongly agree their performance is managed in a way that motivates them to do outstanding work. One reason? A lack of consistent, meaningful conversations with their managers.
The truth is, one-on-ones are not just another meeting — they’re your best leadership move. They build trust, enable authentic coaching and clear out the clutter that gets in the way of progress.
What makes one-on-ones matter
Forget status updates. The best one-on-ones do three things:
- Build real relationships: People stick around for people, not companies. If your team doesn’t trust you, they’re not giving you their best. One-on-ones are your chance to listen, learn what’s going on in their world, and show up as a human, not just a manager.
- Coach like you mean it: This is the moment to give feedback, offer guidance and ask better questions. Skip the canned advice. Help people grow both personally and professionally. That includes both praise and accountability. Use these meetings for crucial conversations when needed, and don’t hold back your appreciation when it’s earned.
- Clear the path: Your job is to make it easier for people to do great work. That means removing roadblocks, simplifying systems and cutting through the noise. If they’re stuck, help them get unstuck.
A better way
There’s no single formula, but these principles go a long way:
Keep one-on-ones sacred: Weekly or bi-weekly is best. Monthly at a minimum. Don’t cancel. Don’t wing it. Canceling sends a message: “You’re not a priority.” That’s not the signal you want to send. One leader I admire holds one-on-ones even while traveling for work, dialing in from airports or hotel lobbies. It’s that important.
Share the agenda: Create a shared document or chat thread. Add topics during the week and let your team do the same. No one wants to start with, “Sooo… what should we talk about?”
Let them drive: This is their time. Start with what’s on their mind. If they’re not sure where to begin, try these questions:
- What’s going well?
- What’s not going well?
- What’s blocking your progress?
- Where do you need help?
Choose the right setting: Context matters. Walk-and-talks, coffee chats or a quiet room — whatever helps open up the conversation. Ditch the distractions. Put the phone away. Be fully present.
Less talking, more listening
You should be talking about 30 percent of the time. While there isn’t a perfect data point, studies on coaching and communication consistently show that effective leaders listen more than they speak. Your job is to ask smart questions, listen deeply and resist the urge to solve every problem on the spot. One-on-ones aren’t your TED Talk — they’re your chance to tune in.
If you’ve set development goals with someone, check in on their progress. Even better, learn something together. Read the same book and talk about what it sparked for both of you.
TL;DR: Make one-on-ones count
- Keep them regular. They’re too important to cancel.
- Let your team lead. You’re there to support, not to dominate.
- Be fully present. The time you give says everything.
- Focus on growth. If they leave better than they came in, you nailed it.
The best leaders don’t save leadership for performance reviews or town halls. They show up, week after week, one conversation at a time. That’s where the real work gets done.
A few data points worth knowing
- Google’s Project Oxygen found that being a good coach and showing genuine interest in team members’ well-being were top traits of effective managers. One-on-ones are where those traits are practiced and reinforced.
- Gallup’s “State of the American Manager” report revealed that employees whose managers regularly engage with them are nearly three times more likely to be engaged themselves.
- Marcus Buckingham, in his Harvard Business Review piece “What Great Managers Do,” emphasizes that great managers tailor their approach and focus on strengths — exactly the kind of work that happens in one-on-ones.